Put joy back into your marriage or other intimate relationship with guidance from Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D., 913-901-9110
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Are You To Blame For Your Angry Wife? Five Key Questions About Angry Wives

I hear a lot of married men complain, “I have an angry wife” Living with an angry spouse or lover is not much fun. If your wife is angry with you, life can be miserable and of course you want to do something about it. Marriage counseling can help.  You may also find some help for your marriage if you take a look at these 5 strategic questions:

  • Has Your Angry Wife Told You Why She’s Upset?

This is the question many men ask, but it can make things worse. In all likelihood, your wife has already told you what is displeasing her. She gets even more upset when you ask, “Why are you so angry at me?” She may say back to you, “I already told you but you’re not listening and that makes me even more angry!”angry wife

  • What keeps you from listening to what your wife says when you talk with her about her anger?

Men often are “Mr. Fixit’”. If there’s a problem, such as “my wife’s anger at me”, Mr. Fixit will go to work to try to make things better in much the same way he would go about fixing a flat tire or the clogged kitchen sink.

Problem is your wife is not tire or piece of plumbing. She is a living entity with lots of emotion. To fix your wife’s anger problem you may have to shift your thinking about how to fix this problem.

In many cases the answer to this question is, “No.” Our culture does not teach men to actively listen well, especially to someone who is emotional. Active listening does not try to fix the problem the person has, in this case your wife’s anger. Active listening simply directs you to set all other thoughts aside and focus on the person you’re listening to.

Proof that you have been listening is required and that comes when you say back to you wife you’re what you heard her say. It is not enough to say, “I hear you.” You have to prove it to your spouse or partner that indeed you have heard what is upsetting her.

  • Are you willing to stop defending yourself and justifying your behavior?

If your wife is angry at you and it has something to do with what you’ve done or not done, it will help cool her anger if you simply listen and do not defend yourself. After you’ve heard her out, rather than explaining why you did what you did that upset her, instead you say, “If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way you do.”

Even if you have to write that last sentence down and read it out loud to your angry wife, I guarantee you, some of her heat will dissipate.

  • When was the last time you romanced your wife and how did you do it?

The old song states, “You don’t bring me flowers anymore.” Guys often think of marriage as an event. They got married and that’s it. From then on they take the relationship for granted and forget that, like a garden, a child, or a pet, marriage is a living entity that must be looked after, cared for and nurtured.

Wives are often angry because they feel taken for granted and overlooked. Bring her flowers, tell her you love her, set up dates and outings with her…. all those things you did to court her in the beginning of your relationship. And you must do these courtship things regularly for the life of the marriage. If not, you run a big risk of her being angry at you for a long time.

Marital distress  and angry spouses can go together. Facing your angry wife, however, with greater sensitivity and listening skill can begin helping to save your marriage, let alone your peace of mind.