You’ve heard the marriage and family adages: “Families who pray together, stay together.” or “Families who play together, stay together.” or “Families who eat supper together, stay together.” or “Families who go to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings, stay together.” You may have made up your own family adage and filled in the blank to “Families that________ stay together.”
But here’s how I think it works. Families are always “together”. You can’t break up a family. Some say, “Well, a divorce is a family break up! That’s why they call it a ‘broken family’”
Not really. Rather,a divorce is a shift in who, does what, with whom, when, where and how. The family structure may have changed, but it is still a family. They have a history. And in most cases, some or all of the members continue in varying degrees of contact or relationships with each other.
But some one asks: “What if a parent or child abandons or cuts off from the family and is never heard from again?” Sure, that’s a painful loss. But active or not, present or not, that person is still a family member, if only mentioned as the “bad apple” we don’t talk about.
Here’s another way I think these kind of adages can better serve us and our families: they are guidelines to achieve and maintain quality relationships in the family, regardless of it’s configuration. And yes, believe it or not, people in “broken families” can go on and have quality relationships with each other. It is possible.
So, what adage has guided you and your family to sustain quality family life? I’d be delighted to hear from you and learn of your success for marriage and family formula.
If you don’t have such a formula that helps to guide your family relationships, good counselors can help give you and your relatives some useful ideas to get started.
Tip: One of the best Success Formulas goes like this: Families who don’t blame each other for their troubles live lives of low level resentment. That is always good for marriage and family life in any configuration or style
